blehblehblabla

My holiday sucks like hell. Well, I have never been to there thou, but I knew its not better than that. I find it so hard for me to fall asleep. I cannot sleep well and tight. I can sleep from 10.30pm but wake up at 3.00am with some nightmares. OMG...I have forgotten the taste of having a nice sleep. I missed the time when I will sleep everyday in the classroom. Yeah, maybe you would find me 'not sleeping' only when I was attending Ms Rashidah class. (Oh, forgive me if the post sounds weird, I have forgotten what I wrote just now as I ter'deleted' it ^$#@#%). Oh yeah, my memory is getting worst now. I think my brain is not functioning. I tend to forget things faster and more than before. OMG, is this the side effect of not sleeping well??

I am not nagging at here. But waking up everyday at don't no what time, realising the fact that everyone around me is having their exams, it really makes me want to 'fly away' now. I should have planned my holiday with me alone backpacking at other countries!!! I don't care there is any don't what flu. I am pissed off now. 

The wind outside is blowing like it wants to blow off my roof. The sound is quite scary now, especially at this middle of night when I am alone in the living room. And there are some things falling down from upstair. But my dad came down to ask me what is that and he went to the back to check. =='''

'In the end it doesn't matters how many breath you took, it is how many matters that took your breath away..' it is cited from darius's blog, I think he paraphrased from somewhere else, if I am not wronged. Yeah, it makes sense right? I feel that my life is quite meaningless now. Its not meaningful in the sense that I have nothing except my bored college life. I have been questioning myself during the holiday, 'is this the life that I want?' 'is it ok if i just pretend like nothing happened and continue?' and now, I still do not get the answer. Change or don't? Of course I want a change, but where? and what? 

Some people around me had left this world. It really bangs me when I think 'what if i am the next person?', who knows what will happen to me the next hour. I am not being negative. Maybe I will say ' is this all?' before the moment i left this world. I really do not want my life ends like this. I definitely NEED a change.